It was at this moment that I started avoiding what was really going on for me emotionally and began fixating on my weight. Rather than looking within, I sought approval, love and acceptance outside of myself.
Even when I lost weight, I didn’t see that in the mirror. My pain was so deep, that all I could see was fat and ugly in the mirror, regardless of how much weight I lost.
I meticulously counted and restricted my calories. I did fad diets. I only consumed low calorie, sugar free, fat free foods. I pulled and prodded on the various areas of my body that I disliked (which was just about every area) while staring in the mirror. I exercised multiple times a day. I started making myself throw up.
Instead of coping with the loss of my dad, I internalized my emotions even more. I didn’t feel anything. I wasn’t at all present or mindful. I instead channeled all of my unhappiness to my obsession with my body and food.
In a time when I should have been exploring my interests, passions and planning for my future career, all I could do was think about my weight, the food I was eating or wanting to eat and what I saw when I looked in the mirror.
I was clouded by an ever-present fog that prevented me from truly experiencing college…and from truly experiencing life.
During my sophomore year of college, I met the person who changed my life forever: my now husband, Diego.
This level of support was a crucial step in my journey, and is crucial for working on your relationship with food, uncovering emotions and taking care of yourself on a deeper level. As a coach, I provide this healing space for my clients.
In these moments, the real me was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t know what was really going on for me emotionally. I continued avoiding my feelings and self-care was nonexistent.
I was on the path to freedom from dieting.
Even as I started changing the way I ate, I still didn’t feel happy in my life, or in my body. There was still a fog around me that kept me from fully being at peace with myself. I continued to turn to food for comfort, binging on junk to avoid that unsettling feeling I always had.
I continued to feel ‘off’ for quite a while, but ignored it. The thing is, I never checked in with myself to see if I was actually happy. And when I did, I realized I wasn’t.
It was at this point that I brought in mindfulness, a technique that I now rely on to keep me grounded, present and happy.
I created a lifestyle that includes mindfulness, feeling my emotions (“feeling all the feels,” I like to call it), self-care and eating healthy, easy to prepare, delicious foods. Today, these are the foundation of my life.
- I am fully free from dieting
- I prepare easy, healthy foods that are (actually) delicious
- I am happy with what I see when I look in the mirror — even though I am significantly heavier than I was before
- I am the real me that was shushed, hidden and unloved for so many years
I didn’t get to this place by trying another fad diet, losing a ton of weight or finding the miracle amounts of carbs, protein and fat. I got to this place by being mindful and looking within myself.
And with my help, you can start your path to finding that freedom and self-love too.
I deeply, whole-heartedly love the work that I do, and I am no longer consumed by my obsession with food, my emotional eating, my weight and my body. I am at peace.
The really amazing thing is, now I get to guide other people struggling with their own challenges associated with food, weight, emotional eating and their body to become the best and healthiest version of themselves.