From a young age, I felt the need to be different from who I truly was. I compared myself to others — skinnier, prettier, more successful women. Who I was wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, cool enough, _____ enough. In my mind, I wasn’t likable, and therefore thought I needed to change who I was.

It was at this moment that I started avoiding what was really going on for me emotionally and began fixating on my weight. Rather than looking within, I sought approval, love and acceptance outside of myself.

As many women do, I equated being skinny with being likable and pretty; and when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see skinny. So, I started trying to lose weight.

Even when I lost weight, I didn’t see that in the mirror. My pain was so deep, that all I could see was fat and ugly in the mirror, regardless of how much weight I lost.

At 16, my Dad suddenly passed away. It was at that point that my weight fixation turned to full blown obsession. 

I meticulously counted and restricted my calories. I did fad diets. I only consumed low calorie, sugar free, fat free foods. I pulled and prodded on the various areas of my body that I disliked (which was just about every area) while staring in the mirror. I exercised multiple times a day. I started making myself throw up.

Instead of coping with the loss of my dad, I internalized my emotions even more. I didn’t feel anything. I wasn’t at all present or mindful. I instead channeled all of my unhappiness to my obsession with my body and food.

In college, I started turning to food for comfort; overeating in the hopes of ridding myself of the empty feeling I felt inside myself.

In a time when I should have been exploring my interests, passions and planning for my future career, all I could do was think about my weight, the food I was eating or wanting to eat and what I saw when I looked in the mirror.

I was clouded by an ever-present fog that prevented me from truly experiencing college…and from truly experiencing life. 

During my sophomore year of college, I met the person who changed my life forever: my now husband, Diego.

He was the first person who really saw me. He saw the part of me that I had been ignoring for so many years. By having a safe space where I felt comfortable being myself, I allowed myself to go deeper within without even realizing it at the time.

This level of support was a crucial step in my journey, and is crucial for working on your relationship with food, uncovering emotions and taking care of yourself on a deeper level. As a coach, I provide this healing space for my clients. 

My obsession with my body and food continued to rule my world through my early twenties. I took part in a strict weight loss challenge hoping once I reached my goal weight, all my worries would go away. The thing is, I made it to my goal weight and I was still unhappy. 
I felt very frustrated and confused. I kept telling myself that all I wanted was to be able to stop dieting and binging. I needed an answer. 
In these moments, the real me was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t know what was really going on for me emotionally. I continued avoiding my feelings and self-care was nonexistent. 
These feelings of frustration and confusion were the tip of the iceberg for me and when I started really changing. I removed an emotional layer and started really feeling the frustration, and paying attention to what was going on for me. If you’re feeling frustrated and confused about what you should be eating and doing to take care of yourself, I’ve been there. And change is possible.

I was on the path to freedom from dieting. 

In my early 20’s, my husband and I left Austin and moved to Boulder, Colorado. I started experimenting in the kitchen with healthy foods and started working at a tech startup. I was living, what I thought, was a life I should love.

Even as I started changing the way I ate, I still didn’t feel happy in my life, or in my body. There was still a fog around me that kept me from fully being at peace with myself. I continued to turn to food for comfort, binging on junk to avoid that unsettling feeling I always had. 

I continued to feel ‘off’ for quite a while, but ignored it. The thing is, I never checked in with myself to see if I was actually happy. And when I did, I realized I wasn’t.

It was at this point that I brought in mindfulness, a technique that I now rely on to keep me grounded, present and happy.

I started looking within myself and exploring what was really going on for me. What I realized was that under all of my emotional eating, weight and body image issues was underlying emotions that I wasn’t feeling. I also realized that I was relying heavily on food as a tool to avoid my emotions. I soon began working through my self-worth, family issues, insecurities and so much more.
Through this exploration phase, I found that under all of my history of abuse with my body and my relationship with food, I deeply loved food and health. It was then that I enrolled in the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Through the year-long program, and with the help of my own coach, I grew to know myself on a far deeper level.

I created a lifestyle that includes mindfulness, feeling my emotions (“feeling all the feels,” I like to call it), self-care and eating healthy, easy to prepare, delicious foods. Today, these are the foundation of my life.

Do I still turn to food when I don’t want to face my emotions? Yep. Do I still have days where I look in the mirror and I’m not checking out my bod like I’m the next Victoria’s Secret model. Definitely. But that’s okay. Why? Because this work is about realizing that we are all on a continuous walk of life, and life isn’t perfect. The key is, YOU have the power to stay present with yourself and make good choices most of the time. Life is about creating a healthy balance so you can still enjoy the glass of wine or the second serving of double chocolate cake…every once in a while. You don’t have to be on a diet, deprive yourself or live an obsession-filled life to have a life and a body you love.
I can now confidently say:
  • I am fully free from dieting
  • I prepare easy, healthy foods that are (actually) delicious
  • I am happy with what I see when I look in the mirror — even though I am significantly heavier than I was before
  • I am the real me that was shushed, hidden and unloved for so many years

I didn’t get to this place by trying another fad diet, losing a ton of weight or finding the miracle amounts of carbs, protein and fat. I got to this place by being mindful and looking within myself.

And with my help, you can start your path to finding that freedom and self-love too.

I deeply, whole-heartedly love the work that I do, and I am no longer consumed by my obsession with food, my emotional eating, my weight and my body. I am at peace.

The really amazing thing is, now I get to guide other people struggling with their own challenges associated with food, weight, emotional eating and their body to become the best and healthiest version of themselves.

I would love to hear your story, and where you’re struggling. Click the button below to schedule a free 30-minute discovery call with me.

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